**TRIGGER WARNING**
I realize that this is quite long but I pray you read it to the end. It may inspire or convict. It might also save your life.
My parents divorced when I was 2 and I didn’t “meet” my biological father until I was 30. I began learning about God at a very young age, as I was raised in church. I attended weekly until I went away to college. During my time at that particular church, I remember nothing about accepting Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. Vacation Bible School at a different church was when I first heard about accepting Christ. I was 9-10 years old at the time and didn’t really understand what was going on. I only did this to see what was going on. Kids had raised their hands the previous couple days and were taken behind the curtain on the stage. Curious about what happened back there, I raised my hand after prayer. I said the prayer even though I didn’t know what I was saying. God knows your heart and true intention’s so I don’t think I was saved that day. I have prayed similar payers many times over the years to re-dedicate my life to Him. But I never followed through with a relationship with Him. God was kept at a distance and I only prayed when I was desperate.
The anxious thoughts started when I was a child. My household was filled with unrest and a lot of yelling. I never knew if/when I was going to get punished. My mother had undiagnosed mental issues. I say undiagnosed because mental health wasn’t as prominent back then. Some days she was fine-a loving mother. Other days she was very unstable and could be violent. We never knew exactly what version of her we were going to get. I feel I was never, truly, taught to love. The people who were supposed to love me the most, hurt me. I began to equate love with pain. The anxiety continued through my teen years and into adulthood. I, eventually, started having panic attacks. They were overwhelming, to the point of crippling. For those of you who have never experienced a panic attack; it’s kind of like a heart attack. You also feel like you can’t breathe. My throat felt like it was closing up and I couldn’t catch my breath. When they first started happening, the tightness in my chest concerned me. They were debilitating and I never knew when one would occur. The panic attacks began causing problems in social situations. It got to where I just stayed home. I avoided going out unless absolutely necessary. Thinking that it might help, I tried to find a church to attend. I could not seem to escape them as they occurred at church as well. I was desperate for peace.
Over the years, I developed “survival techniques”. These were to avoid or reduce negative interactions that resulted from rejection, criticism and conflict. I desperately sought to avoid confrontation and disagreements. Even if it meant agreeing to or making decisions that went against my beliefs or desires. “People-pleasing” became the norm, constantly prioritizing others needs/wants above my own. I attempted to push away and ignore uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and memories. Eventually, I went into complete emotional shutdown. I struggled with emotional unavailability and occasionally still do. The Lord is slowly restoring my emotions, a little at a time. Which is good as I don’t think I would be capable of handling them all at once.
I was sexually abused from ages 5-12 by an extended family member. Families are supposed to love and protect one another. My innocence and trust were taken. I continued to run from emotions, not wanting to get close to anyone for fear of further pain. More information will be shared soon. For context, it’s worth understanding that substance abuse, promiscuous behavior and becoming involved in toxic relationships are ways that childhood sexual abuse show itself in teens and adults.
My use of drugs and alcohol started at age 14. During adolescence, my alcohol consumption intensified to include whiskey and other hard liquors. The occasional marijuana use became an opioid addiction. Use of both substances continued into adulthood where the struggle escalated. It led to loss of relationships and the numbing of any desire and emotions I may have had left. I tried to quit drinking a few times but refused to see myself as an alcoholic. I admitted my drinking was a problem but was in denial of the severity. AA was a trigger for me. I don’t know if it was all the talk about drinking or the stories of loss. Every time I attended a meeting, I got drunk afterward. The pill use continued but given my response to AA, I avoided going to NA. I was stuck in a seemingly unending spiral of bitterness and profound sadness. It seems that anger and feelings similar, were all I had left. Which stands to reason because anger is easy-most people don’t have to work very hard to be mad. I felt abandoned by friends and family members who distanced themselves or just plain gave up on me. My addictions cost me everything-family, friends, jobs and my freedom more than once. With the pills, it was to the point where functioning and feeling ‘normal’ were impossible without them. Not having the pills triggered miserable withdrawl symptoms that were physically and emotionally taxing.
Then there was the constant pressure to “fit in”. While I had friends at school, my extra curricular activities were a different story. Particularly softball when I was 11 or 12 years of age. There were a group of older girls on my team who were exceptionally cruel. I was teased and humiliated relentlessly. The persistent harassment had me close to quitting the only thing that brought me any enjoyment. This was when I still felt something. They scarred me to the point that I vividly remember certain instances today-44 years later. They, on the other hand, probably have no recollection of it. Looking back, I can only hope I was the only one because they caused me so much pain. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to experience the way they made me feel. It severely damaged my self-esteem at a very vulnerable age. Because they were older and popular, they influenced the younger girls on the team as well.
As the years passed, I found myself questioning everything, overthinking constantly, and rationalizing my behavior. These brought about deep worry, especially for my daughters. There were others who I felt a mental concern for, though my heart wasn’t fully devoted. All of these internal struggles resulted in considerable stress.
Due to the emotional upheaval in my life, I built walls around my heart. I pushed people away. If there were a chance of anyone getting close, I cut all ties with them. My logic was to get them out of my life before they hurt me. I was so sure they would cause me pain that it became a reality for me. Once I had broken contact with everyone, I just avoided any further relationships. About this time was when I started to cut and burn myself. I needed to feel something-anything but the deep, never ending void in my heart. As the blood flowed from my body, I imagined the pain and anguish leaving. I rationalized that if I did this enough the pain would be gone. Then I could finally be happy. But no matter how I scarred the outside of my body, the inside never felt any better. The act of cutting or burning was very ritualistic. Everything done in a very specific way. I believe this was because it was the only thing in my life I had control of. It was mentally draining. The crying-so hard I thought I’d never be able to stop, was exhausting. Sleep, another escape from my reality, was done a lot during that time. I attempted suicide a few times-cut a little too deep, took a few too many pills. I just wanted the deep aching pain to stop. My attempts, obviously, didn’t work. God had other plans for my life. He saved me each time I tried. He wasn’t going to let me spend eternity in hell. That’s when I started praying a lot. Every night I would pray that God would take me. Then I wouldn’t have to experience the intense, deep-seated pain that filled me.
Throughout my life I was involved with occultism-Satanism and witchcraft. I was deeply involved and lived by the satanic bible in my teen years. This was despite being forced to attend church by my mother. Oddly enough, I always knew how the story would end. Christ would one day return and defeat Satan. He wasn’t going to win. I believe the Satanism thing was an excuse. It provided a convenient rationalization for the less-than-virtuous path I was taking. Use of the Ouija board was when I was in college. We talked with spirits who promised all kinds of things. That was the part that kept us hooked-the board does work. Over time the practices continued, even after growing up and having kids. The witchcraft started after the birth of my second child. The spells we did never got the desired results-shocker. Fortunately, these silly and dangerous practices were eventually left behind. I have found forgiveness for everything I was involved in. Yes! God even forgave me for that. I am forever grateful.
Along the way, my drinking and pill use continued-getting worse by the day. With the pills, I was chasing the high I used to get from them. I took more and more trying to get it. Then I graduated from Vicodin to something stronger. I found a fairly steady supply of Oxycontin. Those gave me the high I had been looking for. The withdrawls from the Oxycontin were a nightmare. It was more than just not feeling well. It was down right painful. My whole body hurt and I had the shakes. There was a constant feeling of these fridged goosebumps (they call it ‘goose-flesh’). I had dry heaves and vomiting on top of it all. Drinking couldn’t even take them away. One would think, after the first time, I wouldn’t take them anymore. But I was an addict. I did whatever I had to do to get those pills. Including stealing pain pills from my own grandmother. I am, certainly, not proud of the things I’ve done in my life.
Remember I mentioned promiscuity and toxic relationships were common in sexually abused children? Well, completely pushing everyone away wasn’t entirely true. I didn’t push away the wrong men. The one’s who told me what I wanted to hear or were safe. By safe, I mean men who were emotionally unavailable or “no strings attached”. So, I bounced from one toxic, dysfunctional relationship to another. Neglect, heartache and further abuse were common denominators. I, eventually, found myself with someone who was pure evil. He abused me verbally, physically, mentally, psychologically, and sexually. There was infidelity as well. I was in this relationship for 9 years. Why didn’t I leave, you ask? He had pounded into my head that I was ‘damaged goods’ and that no one else would ever love me. He said that I couldn’t trust anyone but him. I was, in fact, so damaged that I believed it all. Then he started to threaten to kill me if I ever left him. If you could have seen the truth and pure evil in his eyes, you’d have believed him too. I developed PTSD from those 9 long years.
I ended up facing legal issues as a result of my drinking. There were a few overnights in jail for assault and batteries that occurred when I was drunk-always on vodka. Then I got arrested for drunk driving with my 8 year old daughter in the car. I knew this wouldn’t be just an overnighter. I spent a month in jail. During this time, the abusive man I was with started sleeping with my “friend”. The “friend” who put an open container of beer in my car, called the police and orchestrated my arrest. During this time, she tried to play “mom” to my daughter. I feared loosing my other daughter. I had already lost my oldest daughter due to my drinking and choosing him and his dysfunction over her. Living with and beating myself up over that existed every day of my life for so many years. God has made me realize that He has forgiven me. I have apologized to my daughter more times than I can count-I hope, one day, she can forgive me too. Anyway, back to jail. I felt lost, hopeless and so alone. The Chaplain gave me a Bible, a Bible study and a book-The Shack. The book brought about a change in me. I, actually, felt something. It showed me that God is a loving Father, regardless of how my earthly fathers were. He doesn’t give up on or hurt me. He only wants good for me and I can trust Him to do what He says. I diligently worked on the Bible studies. I, finally, had a sense of hope and thought this was a turning point in my life. However, the night I got out of jail, I got drunk, bought pills and drove. I had never thought to ask God for deliverance in these areas.
I, finally, decided that I had to get myself out of the situation I was in. My youngest daughter and I went to a domestic violence shelter. It was at an unknown address in a city an hour away. I was finally free. We stayed in that city for a couple years after we left the shelter. I had family support over there. However, I did continue to drink, without people knowing at first. I would also take whatever I could get my hands if I thought it would get me high. To be transparent, we were asked to leave the shelter because I took methadone from another resident. So, yes, my old problems persisted. Despite previous experience, the tendency to be drawn to and engage in relationships with toxic men continued. These were emotionless relationships. I don’t exactly know why I continued this cycle. I guess maybe it was just habit at this point. Or the fact that I didn’t believe I deserved better. I did attend church regularly over there, and was even baptized. But it didn’t feel the same as when I was in jail-I wasn’t being ‘fed’ what I needed. There were times that I longed to go back to jail so I could feel something again. I see now that my feelings of not being fed in church were not the pastors or the church. It was me-I was refusing to let God in. I continued to be angry the majority of the time. But my “people pleasing” skills kicked in. I was able to not, outwardly, show it. Inside, I was an angry ball of mess. There were many times, I assume, that my daughter suffered for it. I became desperate for something deep down. I knew it was God, but I didn’t have a good track record with Him.
Like I said before, I always knew and believed that Christ was who He said He was. I also knew He died on the cross for my sins. I just couldn’t accept the fact that He died for someone like me. Basically, His death was in vain because of the way I conducted my life. He did what He did so I wouldn’t have to feel anger, stress, depression and hopelessness. He died for each one of us. Our sins are forgiven, no matter how terrible we think they are. They are forgiven and forgotten. My journey is a testament to God’s power to restore and give purpose, regardless of years of addiction and brokenness. This testimony shows a transformed life. Changed from being destroyed by addiction and poor choices to one filled with hope. Relationships were slowly being mended and I had a renewed sense of purpose. This is all credited to the power of faith in God.
I, finally, heeded God’s call about a year and a half ago (2023). I re-dedicated my life to Him, again, in my living room. It doesn’t have to be in a church or at a religious event. Wherever you are-car, bed, parking lot, etc.. This time it was different-I, actually, really felt “something”. I believe that “something” was the Holy Spirit coming alive in my being. Keep in mind, I was still an alcoholic and addict. I was, also, still angry at the world and emotionally unavailable. My life has changed greatly with the presence of God and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit guides me. He shows me right from wrong. He steps in and intercedes (speaks on my behalf) when I struggle to find words or can’t express my deepest feelings.
God speaks to me, not audibly, but in the still quietness of my mind. He communicates His desires and reveals steps to achieve His perfect will in my life. I speak with Him more regularly because I want to hear from Him. I’m working on obeying the things He tells me to do. The feelings of foreboding that I felt in the mornings have been replaced by anticipation-anticipation of hearing from Him. The knowledge that He takes the time to speak to me is mind-blowing. I have the ear of the Creator of the universe.
The things I once believed about myself have been revealed as lies. I AM NOT “damaged goods”. I am a child of the living God and an heir with Christ (Romans 8:16-17)(Amplified Bible). The “all or nothing” attitude that drove my addictions has been transferred. I apply this same intensity to my relationship with God and the Word. I have, for lack of a better term, jumped in with both feet. Joy is now what I feel every morning and I look forward to Bible studies. I also hear from God about what my next post will be for this blog. Obviously, I have addiction issues, but this is a good one.
God has shown me my worth and the awesome blessings he desires for me. On July 28, 2024, I was hit with a deep and intense revelation. So intense that the feeling was almost physical. For the first time in my life, there was genuine self-love. I loved myself and the person I was becoming. The self-loathing that I once felt was replaced with deep affection. I realized that being made in God’s image and knowing in my head that I loved Him was important. Disliking myself was essentially disrespecting Him and His creation. Now, I am starting to fully experience God’s love. I am also accepting the truth of His total forgiveness for all of my past sins.
There have been so many changes in my life since I have returned to God. I say “I” have returned because God never left. He has always been there waiting for me to love Him. To be honest, He has always been active in my life-protecting me during my whole destructive existence. He saved my life from the suicide attempts and when I had a disease that was “eating” my blood cells. After days in the hospital and multiple blood transfusions, it just went away. There have been no problems since. I was also diagnosed with a heart disease that could have been fatal. The doctor was preparing to put me on the heart transplant list. I was told by said cardiologist that all I could hope for was maintaining because my heart would never heal. Last year, 2024, I had an echocardiogram and stress test to see if more damage had been done. My doctor was incredibly surprised by the results. My tests showed that my heart was functioning as a non-diseased heart. He told me I, somehow, no longer had a heart disease. Looking back, the miracles are many, going beyond the obvious. God’s protection was undeniably there during times of driving while intoxicated and increasing pill usage. He faithfully preserved my life to bring me to this very moment in time. He is forever faithful.
I have learned many things that are common to others but new to me-like forgiveness. I have forgiven all the people in my life who have hurt me. My parents, the men, the girls from my softball team. Everyone I could think of that had a major impact on my life. I asked God to let me know if I was leaving anyone out. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. There are things in your life that cut you so deep you just can’t forget. And that’s okay. As long as you have forgiven the person and don’t let the “thing” rule your life in a negative manner. Slowly, the bitterness and negativity will fade and it will be replaced by peace.
I have also started to find freedom from my insecurities. Constantly, worrying about people leaving me is no longer an issue. I no longer believe everyone is out to hurt me. I have, also, developed a deep sense of gratitude. I thank God for all that He has done for me. Every morning I thank Him for another day. I try to think of all I have-a roof over my head, food to eat, and my bills being paid. My outlook on life is much more positive. I am dedicated to looking for the good in all things.
I am also working on friendships, trust and believing in God’s plan for my life. A small number of people have become friends-few, but friends nonetheless. I have been working on trusting and being a good friend. I haven’t had friends in some time so I’m pretty rusty when it comes to being a good one. God is helping me with this by prodding me to message when I haven’t in a while. He reminds me to not miss meetings or cancel lunch plans. He is helping me trust by opening up to people I call friends. In writing my testimony, I’m trusting that people will treat my life with care. So, yes, God is working on me in the feelings and emotions department. Little by little they return as to not completely overwhelm. I am a work in progress.
Since recommitting my life to God and our Lord Jesus Christ, my “survival techniques” are no longer necessary. “People pleasing” at the expense of my beliefs is not done. Making my needs known and not compromising my values are something I am working on. I make and hold eye contact with people, speak to strangers and no longer isolate myself. Going to church, stores, meetings-anywhere I want to go has become a pleasure. I, do, still try to avoid conflict, as many do. I don’t, however, get as mad when it arises. The ability to get over negative situations more quickly than before has improved.
The Bible says to not have anxiety about anything (Philippians 4:6-7)(Amplified Bible). I can, honestly, say that anxiety no longer controls me. The panic attacks have stopped! I haven’t had one in almost a year. I surrendered my worries to God’s faithfulness and love. He has transformed my heart. My struggle with anxiety is evidence of God’s power to bring peace and freedom. I have that inner peace and freedom from knowing that God is with me in every situation. In addition to helping with my anxiety and worry, my depression is well managed. I am, now, a pretty happy person with a positive outlook on life. I am much easier to be around and those in my life have said they noticed the changes. That is a testimony in itself. One of the most dramatic changes has been my mouth. I no longer swear or make inappropriate and derogatory comments. The way I think about and view people has been altered. I am a very different person in the best way.
All of these positive changes do not mean I don’t still make mistakes or have negative thoughts. When God told me He wanted me to do a blog, I felt inadequate and intimidated. The devil made it worse when I started setting it up. There was so much more to it than expected. The “set up a blog in 20 minutes” post didn’t cover everything. I went through countless tutorials but couldn’t wrap my head around how to do it. I have 2 college degrees yet felt so incredibly stupid. Much of it has been figured out, but there are still things I struggle with. The devil uses these times to try and plant seeds of doubt in my mind. He tries to get me to doubt and think badly about myself. Occasionally it takes great effort to combat these thoughts.
As I said, the mistakes and sin continue, but not as often. Just as God uses people to further His will; the devil uses people to further his agenda. This is to seek, kill and destroy (John 10:10). One particular evening, the devil used my brother and sister-in-law and my past against me. My brother and sister-in-law practice Wicca and live in another city. I don’t see them often and they were going to be in the area. They were at a gathering selling their wares. I thought my faith was solid and I knew where I stood in Christ. Long story short, they gave me a Ouija board, of sorts, and a herbal “spell” in a jar. I accepted the items. As soon as I got to my car, away from them, I realized what I had done. I, immediately, thought of a verse in the Bible that I had just read just that morning. James 1:6 (AMP) says if you waiver (hesitate or doubt) in your faith, you are like a wave being blown in the sea. You go back and forth with no direction. When I read it that morning, I got proud. Yes, pride can be a sin if not felt correctly. I was proud about how my faith was strong. I wouldn’t be tempted when I saw my family later that night. It was, obviously, a concern, as I thought specifically about it. Well, I was more than tempted. I got sucked back into my past. There is a verse that deflated me quickly. Romans 16:17-18(RSV) talks about people who try to cause problems with someone’s faith. It says they are smooth talkers who deceive “the hearts of the simple-minded”. The definition of simple-minded is someone who is foolish, slow to understand and unsophisticated. I was very foolish. My pride got the better of me. The Lord had plenty to say about it on the drive home. But, I repented and was forgiven-not before I got an earful. I didn’t bring them in the house and gave them away the next day.
If you’ve made it this far, I’m sure you are wondering. My last drink of alcohol was September 18, 2024! It started when my doctor told me I needed to quit drinking. My liver was enlarged and my enzymes were high. I was given an ultimatum by my family, who said I must quit. Even with that, I wasn’t ready to quit. So I drank whenever I was out alone. I hid bottles around the house until it was safe to drink or throw them away. During that time, I didn’t ask God to help me quit because I knew He would. One day I came to the realization that if I got cirrhosis I would, very likely, die. I did not want to die of something associated with alcoholics. Basically, I didn’t want to die a drunk. There was curiosity about all that God has planned for me. Also a desire to see my daughter’s get married. And the hope of seeing them have kids. I decided I had too much to live for. My mind was made up. I prayed to God to take away my desire and cravings for alcohol. He answered immediately and I left the liquor store empty handed (I was in the parking lot). I haven’t drank since. This wasn’t asked for, but I suffered no withdrawls. I’m not saying I haven’t wanted a drink since I quit but the cravings have been few and far between. God has given me the strength to resist the temptation and just say “no”. It still amazes me that I have quit. I’ve truly never imagined the day that I would be sober. God has also protected my liver throughout the years. I had an ultrasound on my liver. After 40 years of drinking there was no sign of significant scarring (cirrhosis). Praise be to God! Without Him, there is no way I could have done it.
In case you’re curious, I have the pills under control as well. I take them, pretty much, as prescribed. Some days, not at all, depending on my pain. I also quit smoking to boot…lol. God extended to me (and all of us) grace (giving us what we don’t deserve). He also gives us mercy by not giving us what we do deserve. I know this has been quite long, but I hope you will continue reading. The balance of this post is incredibly important-it could save your life.
Salvation (accepting Christ as your personal Lord and Savior) is based on faith and belief, not a specific emotional experience. Some people’s conversion is strong and highly emotional. Others have a quieter, peaceful journey. Don’t think you haven’t been saved if you don’t experience overwhelming joy or tears. If you accept Christ, with truth and love in your heart, then you are saved. The crucial factors are a sincere belief in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and a commitment to follow Him. If you, truly, believe that Christ died for your sins and want a relationship with God, through Jesus, you can have that anywhere you are.
First, you have to realize that everyone, including yourself, have sinned. All of humanity has “fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)(NKJV).
Second, turn from your transgressions (sins) and choose to walk in a way that is pleasing to God. This goes beyond simple regret for past mistakes. It represents a deep-seated change in your heart. It is the courage to completely sever ties with the past and embrace a new way of living. Acts 20:21 (AMP) says “…urging them to turn in repentance (that is due) to God and have faith in our Lord Jesus (that is due Him)”.
Third, believing in Jesus is the essence and core of accepting Him as Savior. It includes believing that Jesus:
- is the Son of God
- died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins
- rose from the dead
- conquered sin and death
Fourth, is to verbally acknowledge Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Romans 10:9-10 (AMP) says “Because if you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved…”.
Finally, is asking Jesus into your heart and life. Essentially, it means putting your trust in Him completely and submitting your behavior and choices to His direction. This may sound like a lot, but it can all be done with a short, decisive, heartfelt prayer. This is a prayer of repentance demonstrating your sincere desire to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. It’s a prayer to God stating that you know you are a sinner. You repent, ask for forgiveness, confess Jesus as Lord and ask Him into your heart. There is no specific prayer in the Bible. The prayer should embody “the biblical concepts of confession, belief and salvation”. For the prayer to be effective, it must be offered with genuine faith and heartfelt sincerity. It is the start of your personal relationship with God. Maybe you have already accepted Christ but have not been living according to God’s will. Are you ready to come back? God is waiting with open arms. The prayer can also be said as a re-dedication to God and Christ. The following will work either way. You can, also, just talk to God, include the biblical concepts, and say something along these same lines.
Heavenly Father, I acknowledge that I am a sinner and don’t deserve Your grace and mercy. Please forgive me of my sins. I believe Jesus is your Son, that He died on the cross for my transgressions and rose again. He defeated sin and death with His selfless act. I repent of my sins and want to make a change in my life. I invite Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior. I give Him control over my life. I want to live for Christ; conforming to your will and purpose. Thank you for giving me Your free gift of salvation. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
CONGRATULATIONS!! If you prayed this prayer in a sincere and heartfelt manner, you are saved! Jesus has entered your heart and all of heaven is rejoicing; so am I! Luke 15:10 (NKJV)says “Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents”. Your name has been written in the Lambs Book of Life. Now is when the fun part starts-the journey of discipleship and learning to follow and become more like Christ. I’m not going to get you saved and then leave you high and dry wondering what to do next. There are some things you can do to strengthen your relationship with Him.
Get to know God through His Word. This is of great importance. The Word is the best way to get to know God. His Word tells all He has done and the promises He had made to us. It also tells you about His character and the person that is Jesus Christ. You accomplish this by reading your Bible daily. Probably the easiest way to do this is by downloading an app on your phone. There are a ton of Bible apps in a dozen plus different versions. Pick the one that suits you best and that you are happy with. There are 2 main approaches to choosing one version of the Bible over another. It has to do with the way the Bible is translated: “formal” or “dynamic” equivalent. The “formal” equivalent approach attempts to translate the Bible word-for-word. It stresses accuracy and faithfulness to the original language. Advantages: A) that it lets you closely study the original text and what it was truly saying. B) with all the different word translations, it lets you understand why there are so many. Disadvantages : A) it sometimes results in a harder read. The words don’t flow as naturally in the English language as they did in the original. B) it may require some study of the original language to fully grasp the meaning of what you are reading. Some examples of formal equivalent Bible’s are: King James version (KJV), New King James Version (NKJV), New American Standard Bible (NASB), English Standard Version (ESV), and the New Revised Standard Version (NRSV). The “dynamic” equivalent approaches the Bible in a thought-for-thought translation. This method is primarily focused on getting across the meaning and message of the original text. It is done in a way that is easily understood for the modern reader. Advantages: A) Greater readability. It makes the Bible easily understood by a greater number of people, including new Christians. B) it can help you understand more complex passages. The Disadvantage: A) the translators interpretation may cause the original meaning to be skewed. This may give you a less faithful representation of what was originally intended. B) Many consider this method a paraphrase rather than in interpretation. This raises concerns about the trustworthiness of the translation compared to the original. Some examples are the New Living Translation (NLT), Good News Bible (Today’s English Version)(GNT), and Contemporary English Version (CEV). Some Bible’s are a mixture of the two-Optimal equivalence. Examples of optimal equivalent Bible’s are: New International Version (NIV), Christian Standard Bible (CSB), New English Translation (NET), and New Century Bible (NCV). There are Bible’s, like The Message, that is all, basically, paraphrase. It tries to express the meaning in a very readable and contemporary way. This Bible uses very modern verbiage and slang. Whichever version you select, you need to be in it every day. I, personally, prefer a physical book. I underline and write in the margins. You can find Bible’s at almost any book store or regular store that sells books. You could also go to a local church. Explain that you are a new Christian and ask if they have any extra Bible’s; they may give you one. Also, check on line. There are organizations that distribute Bible’s to people who don’t have them. However you choose to get one, get one. The Bible is God’s message, or His love letter to all of mankind. Reading it regularly is a great way to get to know Him and His character. It will tell you about His plan and how to live a life pleasing to Him. When you start reading, I would stay away from the Old Testament for now. Stick with the Gospels-Matthew, Mark, Luke and John at first. John is a good place to start for new believers. It tells you about Christ, His work and His teachings.
Pray regularly. Prayer is essential for a believer. It’s how you communicate with God. God is your Father and He wants to be your Best Friend. You can share everything with Him-thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, questions, fears, praises-everything. You can confide in Him about personal, private matters as well-He won’t tell anyone. You can pray out loud or quietly in your head. Just as long as He hears from you. You can do it kneeling, standing, driving, face down on the floor-anyhow, anywhere, and at any time. The Bible says to “Be unceasing and persistent”, “thanking God in everything-no matter what the circumstances may be. Be thankful, give thanks” (to God)“for this is the will of God for you…” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18)(AMP). God would love to be in constant contact with you but will take all He can get. Prayers don’t have to be fancy, scripted oracles. Just talk to Him like you would talk to a friend. If you are happy-tell Him. Angry, even if it’s at Him-tell Him, He can handle it. God is omniscient, which means He is all knowing. He knows what you are feeling and what you are going to say. So why pray, you ask? Because God desires to hear from you and praying is His will for you. Matthew 7:7-8, Mark 11:24, John 14:13-14 and Philippians 4:6-7 (AMP) tell us to “ask (present your requests to) God.” In all situations, for whatever you want and need-ask. If you truly have faith and it is in God’s will for your life, it will be done for you. Prayer isn’t all about asking God for things. Constantly asking your friend for things wouldn’t make for a very good friendship. Like I said, He wants to hear everything, but you also need to give Him praise. Thank Him for what you are grateful for.
Connect with other Christians. It is, incredibly, important to your walk that you connect with believers. There are some ways you can do this.
Find a Bible-based/Bible-teaching church. Attending a church that teaches the Bible is crucial. A Bible-based church will allow you to worship and fellowship (share friendships, interests and mutual support)with other believers. You can learn with and from the other believers as you strengthen your walk. Most, if not all, churches have websites. Check out the websites of churches you’re interested in trying. Make sure you read their doctrines and the ‘What do we believe/teach/stand for’ section(s). They should say ‘Bible-based’, ‘Bible teaching’ or something along those lines. Also, many churches record their services and re-post them on line. You can check out their worship before you attend if it would make you more comfortable. You’d know what to expect when you went. The main thing is that you find one and go. Hebrews 10:24-25 (AMP) tells us to thoughtfully consider how we can watch over one another. Seeing how we can stir up love, helpful deeds and noble activities. While not neglecting to assemble together as believers for warning and encouraging. When trying a new church, don’t get hung up on people acknowledging you, especially if it’s a large church. I am an introvert-shocker. I attended a few churches were no one spoke to me and I never went back. Should someone have, at least, said “hi”-probably, but I didn’t make an effort to speak to anyone either. I’m just saying, if you aren’t willing to strike up conversations with people, don’t let that stop you from returning. Lack of conversation shouldn’t be the deciding factor. You could be missing out on great worship and the potential for awesome friendships. Most imporantly, listen to God. He had been telling me, for a year and a half to go to the church that I now attend. I wish I’d obeyed sooner.
Join a small group or Bible study. A small group is a group of people who gather together with common interests or goals. Small groups are, generally, more intimate than a church service. They encourage stronger, closer friendships, support and accountability. A good Bible study will deepen your knowledge and understanding of God’s Word. The size of the church you attend may govern the opportunity for these groups. Generally, but not always, a larger church will afford more availability of these groups. A smaller church tends to be more intimate as a whole. For example, my church is very large. There are multiple small groups that meet a variety of needs (chronic illness, mothers with toddlers). Bible studies are going on at any given time and are organized by different characteristics (sex, age group, couples, etc.). If it were not for these small groups and Bible studies I would, probably, feel overwhelmed. I also would not have made the friends that I have.
Find a mentor if you can. A mentor is a more mature believer who can guide you. They will encourage you, answer questions, pray for and hold you accountable. Accountability is when you confess that you have sinned or think you might be close to it. James 5:16 (AMP) calls for believers to confess their sins to one another. It, also, states that believers should pray for one another. Of course, the first person you should confess to is God (1 John 1:9)(AMP).
Once you are established in a Bible-preaching church, are reading your Bible and praying regularly, you can move on to living out your faith more publicly .
To publicly declare your inward change and commitment to Jesus Christ, the first step is baptism. Most Bible-based churches practice full-bodied immersion, as it is biblical. The baptism of Jesus is described in Matthew 3:16 (KJV) and Mark 1:10 (KJV). It states that He “went straightway out of the water.” This implies a full immersion. Philip baptized the eunuch in Acts 8:38-39(KJV). It states they both went “down into the water” and “came up out of the water”. This further shows immersion as the means of baptism. Baptism symbolizes a transformation and commitment. It publicly declares an inward change, expresses faith in Christ and is a pledge to follow Him. It signifies “identification with Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection.” Going under the water represents dying to one’s old sinful ways. Coming up out of the water denotes rising to a new life in Christ. The water itself indicates the washing away of sin and gaining God’s forgiveness through Jesus Christ. This stands for rebirth and one being made pure by God’s grace. It marks the beginning of new life in Christ. In addition to its symbolic meaning, baptism is an act of obedience. Mark 16:16 (NKJV) states, “He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.” There are also direct commands to be baptized. One is in the Great Commission, found in Matthew 28:19 (NKJV). It say to make disciples and baptize them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Another is found in Acts 2:38 (NKJV) which says to repent and be baptized. Baptism is a powerful symbol. It is an act of obedience that signifies your commitment to Christ and a new life in Him.
As you deepen your journey of faith, living obediently publicly expresses your commitment to God. It is a powerful way to show your devotion. This means actively striving to live according to His Word and will for your life. This is made easier by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, God sends His Holy Spirit to live in you. He acts as a divine guide or conscience, helping you discern between right and wrong. Living obediently involves heeding the Holy Spirit’s guidance and allowing Him to direct your actions and decisions. Galatians 5:16 (AMP)tells you to “walk and live habitually with the (Holy) Spirit (seek Him and be responsive to His guidance)….” Ephesians 4:30(AMP) warns against grieving the Holy Spirit, which means causing Him deep sorrow or distress. Similarly, 1 Thessalonians 5:19 (KJV)is a command, from Paul, to “quench not the Spirit.” This is a warning against “suppressing, stifling, or extinguishing the Holy Spirit’s work in your life”. The Amplified Bible clarifies this as not “being unresponsive to the working and guidance of the Holy Spirit.” It is the Holy Spirit’s job to guide you. The Holy Spirit helps you to make choices and take actions that align with God’s will. He leads you to your goal of becoming more like Christ. He helps you understand the Scriptures and convicts you of sin. This leads you to actions that keep you in line with God’s will, which is another job of the Spirit. By obeying His guidance, you live out your faith in a way that is pleasing to God. You will serve as a powerful witness to people around you.
You will also want to start sharing your faith. Jesus tells us to share the Good News. That is that Christ died for our sins, rose again, ascended into heaven and by God’s grace we are saved. In the Great Commission, Jesus said to ”go therefore and make disciples” and “teaching them”. The Great Commission is Christ’s direction for all believers from Matthew 28:19-20 (AMP). In Mark 16:15(NKJV) He tells them/us to “”Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”” You don’t have to go knocking on doors, unless that’s what’s God is telling you to do. Acts 1:8(AMP) “…you will be my witness (to tell people about me)….” It can be as simple as living a changed life in public. You can show people the changes God has made in your life. Matthew 5:16(NKJV) “Let your light shine before men….” Sometimes, people will ask you what you have or what has caused the change in your life. That opens the door for you to tell them about Christ and the reason for your changes. 1 Peter 3:15(AMP)says “…always be ready to give a (logical) defense to anyone who asks you to account for the hope and confident assurance that is within you….”
Finally, you can publicly show your faith by serving others. Serving others is a way for Christians to demonstrate their faith, reflect God’s character, and show devotion. This public expression of faith aligns with biblical teachings and provides a way to share God’s love. The call to serve is prominent throughout scripture. Jesus states in Matthew 20:26-28(NKJV) that those who want to be great must be servants. Galatians 5:13 (NKJV) urges believers to serve one another humbly in love. Serving others is an expression of love and reflects Christ’s love for humanity. Serving as an act of obedience and worship demonstrates dedication, love and humility. This commitment allows for positive impacts on the lives of others. There are many ways to serve. Following Jesus’ example of servitude, you can feed the hungry, care for the sick, and visit those who are imprisoned. You can also volunteer time, share skills, or donate money. True service stems from love and humility. The washing of the disciples’ feet, by Jesus, in John 13:1-17 (AMP) illustrates that humility and selfless service. By accepting this calling, you reflect the character of God and bring Him glory.
Discipleship, or walking the path of God’s will, is a lifelong journey of transformation. Along your journey, mistakes are inevitable. However, God’s grace is always available. This is a powerful promise for believers. Confession of these mistakes is the way to receive this grace. It opens the door to God’s favor and the experience of forgiveness. It is an act of honesty and humility, agreeing with God that you have fallen short. This confession is not about earning forgiveness. It is about acknowledging your need for and God’s faithfulness to grant forgiveness based on the sacrifice of Jesus. The Bible describes God’s forgiveness as complete and far-reaching.
Psalm 103:12 (NKJV):”As far as the east is from the west, so has He removed our transgressions from us.” This shows the magnitude of God’s forgiveness, removing sins completely.
Hebrews 8:12 (AMP): “For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.” God chooses not to dwell on past sins.
Hebrews 10:17 (AMP): “And their sins and lawbreaking I will remember no more.” This reinforces the message that God’s forgiveness is total and complete, based on Jesus’ sacrifice.
Isaiah 43:25 (NKJV): “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.” God removes sins and chooses not to remember them, emphasizing the fullness of His forgiveness.
The Holy Spirit plays a vital role in the believers journey:
Discerning right from wrong: The Holy Spirit helps us to recognize sin and discern God’s will. This discernment is crucial for confession and living a life that honors God.
Intercession: When we don’t have the words, the Holy Spirit intercedes with groanings to deep for words (Romans 8:26-27) (AMP). He translates our deepest needs and desires into prayer, aligning with God’s will.
Transformation: The Holy Spirit helps believers grow more Christlike, shaping us into the people God intends for us to be. This ongoing transformation enables a life of love, dedication, and humility.
Discipleship is an ongoing process where God’s grace and forgiveness are constantly available through confession. The Holy Spirit’s guidance empowers us to walk in obedience. Even when we stumble, it’s possible to trust in God’s faithfulness and transforming power.
For those of you who sincerely prayed the above prayer, CONGRATULATIONS once more! I would genuinely appreciate hearing from you and celebrating this step of faith. Should you have any questions, whether or not you prayed the prayer, please feel free to comment on the blog. If you would feel more comfortable, you can email me at god_simplified@yahoo.com. I will, personally, answer every comment or email received.